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Accredited CBT and counselling Leamington Spa, Warwickshire and online

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What keeps you awake at night?

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Not sleeping well is a bad place to be.   It seems so much harder to cope with day to day life when you are tired.  It becomes so easy to snap at other people.  You can end up worrying about not sleeping and this can create a vicious circle.  Lots of clients come to counselling and mention that they are having trouble sleeping.  It’s very common, especially if you are experiencing some kind of psychological distress.  So what can you do?

There is a lot of helpful information available on the internet.  Try searching under ‘sleep hygiene’ and you will find lots of common sense articles about how to get a good night’s sleep.  Try some of the things suggested in these articles for about 2 weeks and see if things improve.  It is amazing how many clients come to counselling and say that if they wake up in the middle of the night they go downstairs and make a cup of coffee.   Caffeine is not known for its sleep inducing properties.

So what happens if you are still not sleeping well?  It’s really important to try and figure out whether this is a normal response to an abnormal situation.  If you are recently bereaved then it is possible that this will interfere with your sleep.  If you have recently experienced some kind of loss, for example redundancy, again it is likely to impact on your sleep.  Or it may be that you have some regrets about things that have happened in the past.  And these keep ticking over in your mind at night.  Maybe you feel guilty about something you have done.  Or haven’t done.

If you are having difficulties sleeping you could go to your GP and ask about medication.  Or you could try some counselling and try to process those losses or regrets or feelings of guilt.  Sleep well.

Why do I feel depressed?

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If you type the question ‘why do I feel depressed’ into google it will return thousands of results.  And they will all say something different.   It can be confusing and frustrating and no one seems to know the answers.

If you are feeling low you can feel very alone and misunderstood.  You might find that people close to you are fed up with your inability to ‘get your act together.’  You might not even have anyone close to you to talk to.  Maybe you never did.  Maybe they have drifted away.  Leaving you alone to get on with it.  That’s the thing about feeling low.  On the one hand you want to be on your own .  To pull the duvet over your head and shut the world out.  And on the other hand you desperately want someone to talk to.  Someone who won’t tell you what to do or to ‘pull yourself together.’  Someone who will listen to you and really hear your story and help you to understand yourself and the way you are feeling.  Someone who will help you to gain a new perspective and to work through your feelings so that you become able to make some changes in your life.

The ‘why’ question is really difficult.  There are so many theories about why you might feel low.  Some believe it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and that antidepressant medication is the correct treatment.  It is important to talk to your GP about this.  Other people think that feeling low can be helped by the talking therapies.

Counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are widely recognised as therapies which can help people suffering from low mood.  These therapies can help to find the answers to the ‘why’ question.  Maybe you have some unresolved losses in your life.  Counselling could help you to work through these.  Maybe you see the world as an unfriendly and harsh place.  Maybe you have lots of negative thoughts which come to mind automatically when you are face with challenging situations.  CBT could help you to challenge these automatic thoughts.

If you think you would like some help with your low mood then please get in touch.  If I think I can help then I’ll let you know.  If I think I can’t then I’ll let you know too.

Why don’t you work on your own story?

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Isn’t it funny how we can go through life being told what to do by other people.  Parents, teachers, bosses, partners and even people who claim to be our friends.  At some point most of us decide that we can make our own decisions and stop deferring to others.  We learn to say what we need.  We stop believing that other people have all the answers.  We start to believe in ourselves and realise that even if we get it wrong we can learn from the experience and repair damage if necessary.

Unfortunately not everyone reaches this stage and I often work with clients who have no belief or confidence in themselves.  It becomes obvious when they realise that counselling is not about being told what to do and that even though I’m a Counsellor I am not going to make their decisions for them.  I love the phrase ‘why don’t you work on your own story.’  It says so much about opportunities, potential, choices and responsibility.  It is not about trying to control others or about trying to live your life through others or blaming others.  It’s about realising that it’s up to you.

Mind you saying ‘why don’t you work on your own story’ is really assuming that you are able to.  That you have an awareness that other people may be pulling the strings in your life.  I don’t want to diminish the fact that many people have few choices.  Poverty is one of the biggest causes of mental health problems.  You may feel oppressed and stuck in a job you hate.  You may feel trapped in a bad relationship.  You may feel you have to do what your family tells you otherwise you will be rejected.  I can’t change any of these things.  I can’t change society for you.  I can’t make life fairer for you.  I can work on my story though and do my bit and maybe that means working with you.  Helping you to find a way to cope with the things you cannot change while working on the things you can change.

I’m worried I’m going to be found out

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Have you ever wondered whether other people are going to declare that you are a fake and simply not up to it….whether it be a job or some studies….or a relationship….or something else that matters to you.  If not, that’s great.  It sounds like you feel confident about yourself.  If on the other hand you go through life feeling like this, then it sounds like you may have low self-esteem.  Or a critical voice inside your head which says you are not good enough, never have been and never will.  And it’s only a matter of time before everyone else finds out and rejects you.

I don’t want to start trying to analyse why you might have low self-esteem.  It’s not really my style.  However, I do think it can help to understand where it comes from.  Mainly because you can start to challenge some of the assumptions you might be making.  If you can remember feeling like this when you were growing up then it’s probably no surprise that you feel like this now.  Big people seem to be very good at telling little people about all their shortcomings.  Over and over.

Feeling like you are going to be ‘found out’ adds another layer of stress to a situation that might be stressful enough.  Imagine what your life would be like if you started to trust in yourself and your abilities.  Let go of the beliefs that you are inadequate or not good enough.  Who’s voice are you hearing?  Who is it that is telling you don’t add up to very much.

I think that counselling can really help if you feel like this.  I promise you that if you decide to work with me I won’t ask you to write down a list of all the things you are good at.  I can’t imagine anything worse.  If someone tried to work with me like that I’d run a mile.  After all, if you knew that stuff you wouldn’t need me in the first place.

I’m tired and fed up with life

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Have you noticed that when you are feeling tired that the world doesn’t seem to be such a nice place?  Things start to get on your nerves and other people seem to become rather irritating.  We just don’t cope so well with day to day problems when we are exhausted.  We can get into a vicious circle where not sleeping well makes us feel depressed and angry.  Does this sound familiar?  It sounds familiar to me as a Counsellor.  Not because I feel like that all the time (although I’m human too and feeling tired impacts on me and how I am) but because clients often come for counselling  and feel lost and don’t know how to get their lives back on track.

Sometimes not sleeping well becomes a habit and we start to get anxious about this.  So letting go of that can be helpful.  There is a lot of good information on the internet about sleeping problems and I’ve included some links below.  If nothing seems to be working you can always see your GP and they might be able to offer you some medication to help you if you think that’s the right choice for you.  Alternatively you could try some counselling to help you figure out what might be keeping you awake at nights…..your thoughts…..your conscience…….your regrets……your past……your future…..your worries……..and this might help you to gain some perspective on your troubles and make some changes in your life.

I know what it’s like not to sleep well.  It’s made me miserable in the past.  Ok it still does sometimes!  One thing I found so helpful was to stop looking at the clock every time I woke up.  It felt like the kiss of death every time I did look because then I would  become preoccupied by how little time I had left to get a good night’s sleep.  Why not try?

http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Insomnia-Poor-Sleep.htm

http://www.unidocs.co.uk/docs/sleep{715e623df01486ed312d8f1b83ff0cc3fd44a590896731e6d51361f497f187b9}20hygiene{715e623df01486ed312d8f1b83ff0cc3fd44a590896731e6d51361f497f187b9}20leaflet.pdf

I’ve made a mess of my life

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Can you imagine what it feels like to wake up every day and feel that you’ve made a mess of your life?  To look around and wonder exactly why you have made the choices you have made?  To beat yourself up because you seem to have made the same mistakes over and over?  To feel that you have no control over your life and that what lies ahead just seems too hard to face?

In my counselling practice I work with many people who feel like this.  These people seek counselling because they can’t find anyone to understand them.  They are fed up with people telling them to ‘get their act together’ or telling them that they are a ‘loser’.  They feel distressed and lonely and simply don’t know what to do next.  The good news is that the future does not have to be like the past.  We can find a new way of being, explore different choices and learn to understand ourselves.  If we’re not sure who we are then it’s hard to get to know anyone else…….let alone allow them to get to know us.

Working with a Counsellor can be a very healing process.  It can help you to stop beating yourself up.  To start to value yourself.  To value others.  To learn about what it means to be in an authentic relationship with another person.  It could change your life.