Why don’t you work on your own story?

Isn’t it funny how we can go through life being told what to do by other people.  Parents, teachers, bosses, partners and even people who claim to be our friends.  At some point most of us decide that we can make our own decisions and stop deferring to others.  We learn to say what we need.  We stop believing that other people have all the answers.  We start to believe in ourselves and realise that even if we get it wrong we can learn from the experience and repair damage if necessary.

Unfortunately not everyone reaches this stage and I often work with clients who have no belief or confidence in themselves.  It becomes obvious when they realise that counselling is not about being told what to do and that even though I’m a Counsellor I am not going to make their decisions for them.  I love the phrase ‘why don’t you work on your own story.’  It says so much about opportunities, potential, choices and responsibility.  It is not about trying to control others or about trying to live your life through others or blaming others.  It’s about realising that it’s up to you.

Mind you saying ‘why don’t you work on your own story’ is really assuming that you are able to.  That you have an awareness that other people may be pulling the strings in your life.  I don’t want to diminish the fact that many people have few choices.  Poverty is one of the biggest causes of mental health problems.  You may feel oppressed and stuck in a job you hate.  You may feel trapped in a bad relationship.  You may feel you have to do what your family tells you otherwise you will be rejected.  I can’t change any of these things.  I can’t change society for you.  I can’t make life fairer for you.  I can work on my story though and do my bit and maybe that means working with you.  Helping you to find a way to cope with the things you cannot change while working on the things you can change.