Counselling and CBT for individuals and couples in Leamington Spa
‘I can’t win. It’s like there is a barrier between me and other people. I’d love to join in and make friends but I can’t. If other people knew what I was like they wouldn’t want to know me. They would soon find out how anxious I am. I would probably say the wrong thing and people would think I am stupid. It’s best if I don’t even try.’ [Read more…] about Social Anxiety……it’s never too late to change
Have you noticed that when you are feeling tired that the world doesn’t seem to be such a nice place? Things start to get on your nerves and other people seem to become rather irritating. We just don’t cope so well with day to day problems when we are exhausted. We can get into a vicious circle where not sleeping well makes us feel depressed and angry. Does this sound familiar? It sounds familiar to me as a Counsellor. Not because I feel like that all the time (although I’m human too and feeling tired impacts on me and how I am) but because clients often come for counselling and feel lost and don’t know how to get their lives back on track.
Sometimes not sleeping well becomes a habit and we start to get anxious about this. So letting go of that can be helpful. There is a lot of good information on the internet about sleeping problems and I’ve included some links below. If nothing seems to be working you can always see your GP and they might be able to offer you some medication to help you if you think that’s the right choice for you. Alternatively you could try some counselling to help you figure out what might be keeping you awake at nights…..your thoughts…..your conscience…….your regrets……your past……your future…..your worries……..and this might help you to gain some perspective on your troubles and make some changes in your life.
I know what it’s like not to sleep well. It’s made me miserable in the past. Ok it still does sometimes! One thing I found so helpful was to stop looking at the clock every time I woke up. It felt like the kiss of death every time I did look because then I would become preoccupied by how little time I had left to get a good night’s sleep. Why not try?
Many clients come to counselling because they recognise that they are finding it difficult to achieve a balance between work and their personal life. They may be suffering from symptoms commonly associated with anxiety and depression, for example not being able to sleep and feeling tense.
Our work is important to us. It helps us to define who we are and gives us a sense of purpose and belonging. Our work enables us to find out about our strengths and weaknesses and identify areas that we would like to develop in. It can be challenging and sustaining and rewarding and stressful. In addition we create relationships with our colleagues. If we experience stress we may find that these relationships are a source of support. For others, however, relationships at work may become strained and difficult to manage.
Do you recognise any of the following:
‘I often work late and at weekends.’
‘I need to be available to work all the time because I am the only one who can answer certain questions.’
‘I don’t really like taking holidays because I have so much to do.’
‘My family and friends don’t understand the stresses of my job.’
‘I have increased my use of caffeine/alcohol to help me to cope with work.’
‘I am starting to make mistakes.’
‘I feel irritable with others.’
‘Physically I’m starting to notice changes. My chest hurts quite often.’
‘I am finding it hard to sleep.’
‘Colleagues have commented that I seem withdrawn.’
‘My boss relies on me a lot.’
‘I have outgrown my job.’
‘I feel stuck.’
When things at work start to go wrong it can interfere with other areas in our lives. We can end up feeling angry, stressed and exhausted. We might not have time for our family and friends and avoid socialising. We may stop enjoyable activities and hobbies because we are too busy. We might bring work home regularly, keep our telephone switched on all the time or keep checking our emails. We might spend the entire weekend in bed because we need to conserve our energy for work.
Other people may start to comment on our behaviour and we may become defensive or snappy. Our performance at work may begin to suffer and we might start to make mistakes, find it difficult to concentrate or forget things. We can end up feeling stuck or trapped and start to worry about losing our job. We might find it hard to ask for help because we don’t want others to think we are ‘weak’ or vulnerable. We might believe that others would lose respect for us if they knew we were struggling to cope.
Making the decision to try counselling is difficult for those suffering from work stress. It requires an investment in your time and a commitment to come along to regular sessions. Sometimes people wait until they reach a crisis point before they seek help. Why wait that long? Early intervention can help mild problems from becoming more serious. Counselling can help you to address the problems at work which may be causing you stress and help you to decide how you would like your life to be. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
You always have a choice.
Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.
It is estimated that 1 in 10 people suffer with sleep problems and this rises to 1 in 5 in the over 65 age group. Sleep problems include difficulty going to sleep, early waking and problems staying asleep. The impact on daily functioning and mood can be severe. Poor sleeping can impact on our mood and energy levels. When we are tired we can find it hard to cope with everyday challenges and may feel snappy and irritable.
There are a number of physical problems which may disturb sleep, for example acid reflux with heartburn. Sleep problems may be associated with depression and anxiety. People experiencing stressful events may find that their sleeping patterns are disrupted.
Please refer to your GP.
Counselling may be helpful if you are feeling worried by exploring the underlying reasons and looking at changes you could make in your life.
Many clients find that using relaxation techniques helps them to fall asleep and to resume sleep if they wake during the night.
Sleep hygiene refers to adopting certain habits which may promote sleep. The following are examples of good sleep hygiene behaviours:
Establish a bedtime routine.
Avoid caffeine after late afternoon.
Avoid excessive alcohol.
Avoid heavy food before bedtime.
Ensure bedroom is appropriate temperature (ideal is 18 C) and sufficiently dark and quiet.
Avoid strenuous exercise before bed.
Avoid napping during the day.
Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.
‘I’ve always been anxious. Even as a child. I was always making sure everyone was ok. I could pick up if someone was in a bad mood in a flash. Sitting on the stairs waiting for bad stuff to happen. It’s like I was responsible for everyone else. Making sure the shoes are in a straight line, washing my hands a lot to make sure I’m clean and checking the doors are locked. Over and over and over again. When I grew up I became anxious about other things, driving, shopping, going out, making telephone calls. Sometimes I find it hard to breathe. Other times I think I’m going to pass out, maybe die even. I often wonder if I’m mad. I try to make sure I’m with someone if I go anywhere. People tell me to ‘chill out’. If only they knew.
Anxiety is an emotion we experience when we are facing a perceived threat or danger. The ‘fight or flight’ response is our body’s way of preparing for real or perceived danger – either we face the danger and tackle it or we escape from it. It is normal to feel anxious or fearful in times of danger and it can help to keep us safe. However, if anxiety is experienced frequently or intensely or lasts for long periods of time it can cause distress and erode confidence.
Anxiety is a distressing emotion which can prevent individuals from carrying out their day to day duties. It involves an increased perception of danger and a decreased perception of being able to cope with the danger. Anxiety can create a vicious circle of avoidance.
The following are identified as anxiety disorders:
Panic disorder – Characterised by panic attacks occurring where there is no danger. These often occur without warning and can be very distressing. The physical symptoms of panic may include palpitations, hyperventilation, sweating, tingling, trembling, shortness of breath, nausea, chest pain. The sufferer anticipates a catastrophe occurring such as a heart attack or fainting and wants to escape from the situation. The result is that the person avoids places and adopts safety behaviours. It is estimated that 50{715e623df01486ed312d8f1b83ff0cc3fd44a590896731e6d51361f497f187b9} of people who suffer from panic attacks go on to develop the symptoms of agoraphobia.
Health anxiety – A concern with experiencing physical illness – may be based on misinterpreting the physical symptoms of anxiety as a sign of a health problem.
Social phobia – A fear of being evaluated in a negative way by others and worrying about being embarrassed or humiliated. The result may be that the person avoids situations and may start to feel isolated.
Generalised anxiety disorder – Excessive worry and tension sometimes triggered by stressful events and impacting on daily activities. May involve being worried about worrying itself. Clients with generalised anxiety disorder tend to overestimate the level of threat and underestimate their ability to cope.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder – Carrying out certain behaviours, for example counting rituals, in order to ‘correct’ an obsession. The obsession may be a thought or an image. The person may carry out the rituals for extended periods which disrupts their lives.
Specific phobias – A disabling fear of a particular situation. Examples include a fear of heights, seeing blood, certain animals. The person recognises that the fear is excessive.
Posttraumatic stress disorder – Development of symptoms following exposure to a trauma which may include ‘re-experiencing’ the event, anxiety and/or avoidance.
It is possible that different types of anxiety can co-exist with each other. It is also possible that anxiety co-exists with depression, substance misuse problems or physical illness.
Stressful life events can create anxiety, for example work pressures, examinations, divorce. Some clients come to counselling and say things like ‘I have always been anxious’ or ‘I’m a born worrier. So is my mother’ or ‘I have an anxious personality’.
Other clients do not know why they are anxious and may even say that this is creating further anxiety. Possible reasons for anxiety may originate in childhood.
The following are some of the symptoms associated with anxiety:
Changes in breathing.
Palpitations.
Tight chest.
Difficulty swallowing.
Sweating.
Tingling in toes or fingers.
Tense muscles.
Light headedness.
Abdominal discomfort.
Frequent urination.
Tiredness.
Poor sleeping.
Believing that the worse outcome will occur.
Not being able to cope.
Overestimating danger.
Feeling vulnerable.
Being irritable.
Trying to control events.
Avoiding situations.
Leaving situations.
Seeking reassurance.
Rushing home if feeling anxious.
Trying to get others to do things for us.
It can be helpful to learn about anxiety and to realise that it is a normal reaction to stressful situations. You will then be able to recognise if anxiety has become a problem because it is interfering with day to day functioning.
Often when people feel anxious and start to experience physical symptoms which they do not understand they can start to worry about these symptoms and may have thoughts such as ‘I’m going to pass out’ or ‘I’m going to have a heart attack’.
Many people find that when they understand the ‘fight or flight’ response, which is the way that anxiety can affect their body, they are able to accept that anxiety impacts on their body, behaviour and thinking. When someone is anxious their heart rate goes up. A common thought associated with anxiety is ‘I’m going to faint’ and this happens if your heart rate and blood pressure drop. Therefore, it is unlikely that you will faint from anxiety.
It is not possible to be relaxed and anxious at the same time. Techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and controlled breathing can help to alleviate anxiety.
Anxiety can be reduced by examining and challenging thoughts about the perception of danger and/or the ability to cope.
Talking through worries and problems can help to alleviate anxiety and help to understand the triggers to anxiety. Counselling may help you to gain a new perspective on your situation. As a Counsellor I integrate relaxation training and challenging unhelpful thinking if the client would like to work in this way.
When clients are faced with the situations which they fear it is common that they will try to avoid these situations and this will reduce their anxiety. This short term coping strategy does not enable the client to overcome their fears.
Exposure therapy involves creating a hierarchy of situations you have avoided and making a plan to face the feared situation in a gradual way starting with the least feared situation. For example if a client has a fear of spiders it may involve first looking at pictures of spiders to eventually being in the same room as a spider. The rationale underpinning exposure therapy is that the anxiety naturally reduces if the client remains in the feared situation.
Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.
Many clients come to see me because they feel anxious. Sometimes they are able to say why this is. Maybe they have exams coming up or are moving house. Other clients have no idea why they are anxious and they will say things like: [Read more…] about Feeling anxious
