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Christine

The Importance of friendship and feeling supported

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Mental health and friendships

There are many articles written about the importance of friendship so I would just like to focus on how friendship can help us if we are feeling down or anxious.  Feeling lonely or socially isolated can create stress and exacerbate any problems we may be facing.  Some people claim to have hundreds of friends and I often wonder about the quality of these relationships.

Friendship is hard work.  To be there for someone, to share experiences and to keep in touch takes time and energy, and these things are in short supply when we are feeling down.

Being supported by friends

When we feel low we tend to focus on ourselves and our thoughts and feelings.  It can feel like there is no space for anyone else.  Our friends can sustain and nurture us at times like this.  It can be so validating to spend time with someone who cares for us and listens to us and helps us to feel good about ourselves.

A true friend will accept how we are and allow us to voice our fears without laughing at us.  Often there is a moment in a relationship when we realise that someone is a genuine friend.  Maybe they stick up for us when everyone else stays quiet or maybe they just seem to know how we are feeling.  If you have someone like this in your life it’s great.

Explore barriers to friendship with CBT Therapy or counselling

If you don’t then maybe therapy could help you to explore ways of developing a support network or what is getting in the way of you feeling able to have friends.

When what you’re doing isn’t working

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The only person who can really know that what you’re doing isn’t working is you. You’re the one who has to try and get yourself to sleep at night. No one else can do that for you. All those things that keep churning over in your mind may be hard to silence. The missed opportunities, the regrets, the sadnesses, the grief, the what ifs. In times of loss the noise we create inside our heads can become very loud. At some point it might become unbearable and you might need some help because what you are doing isn’t working. Or maybe it’s what you’re not doing that is not helping.

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All of a sudden I’m feeling blue

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Sometimes it feels that life is going really well.  You feel fairly good about yourself.  You have stopped beating yourself up about the things that you don’t get right and you might have started accepting yourself.  Liking yourself even.  Maybe your relationships are going quite well and even work doesn’t feel too bad.  You seem to be able to do the things you want to and feel like you have some control over your life.  And then one day you wake up and things feel so different.  You notice tears rolling down your face.  It’s hard to get up.  You want the world to leave you alone.  Out of nowhere.  The sun doesn’t seem to shine so brightly.  You look around and wonder what it’s all about.  Worse still the people around you might be very unsympathetic.  Not this again.

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Why do I feel bad about not putting up with people who are no good for me?

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There are a lot of articles online about ‘toxic’ people and ‘toxic’ relationships. Sometimes I nod my head in agreement as I read them but there are times when I pause and reflect on what ‘toxic’ means and what a damaging and convenient label it can be. My understanding of toxic is anything that damages me in some way. It’s easy to see how a poor diet or lack of exercise can be harmful to our wellbeing. However, what about if the source of damage is in your family. What then?

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Social Anxiety……it’s never too late to change

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by CBT Therapist, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire

‘I can’t win. It’s like there is a barrier between me and other people. I’d love to join in and make friends but I can’t. If other people knew what I was like they wouldn’t want to know me. They would soon find out how anxious I am. I would probably say the wrong thing and people would think I am stupid.  It’s best if I don’t even try.’ [Read more…] about Social Anxiety……it’s never too late to change

Is it me?

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Do you ever have an ‘is it me’ day? The kind of day where you feel unappreciated or used and feel that other people, either at home or work, are acting in a self-interested, judgemental or unfair way. It’s easy for these feelings to spiral and it’s possible that you may find yourself withdrawing or arguing. It might feel challenging to find a way to live around those who only think of themselves.

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