It’s a wonderful thing to find something that helps us. It can change the way we view ourselves, our relationships, the world and life in general. However, what works for me might not work for you and that is why asking someone else to tell you what to do can be really unhelpful. Counselling is one of those things that can change your life. It can work on so many levels. It can help you to understand and accept yourself. It can help you to understand your relationships and why you might keep repeating some unhelpful behaviours. It might help you to improve relationships with your partner, your family, your friends and work colleagues. Or it might simply be the only place where you can really be you and work through all those things that you don’t want to tell anyone else about. How often do we have the experience of starting to tell a family member or friend something before they jump in with their own story, say something silencing like ‘tell me about it’ or simply not care enough to engage and listen?
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The way you make me feel
I don’t know if you have noticed but counsellors talk about feelings a lot. I’m smiling as I write that because the stereotypical therapist is often portrayed in the media as someone touching their chin and asking their client ‘How did that make you feel?’ While I do try to avoid asking that myself, it does happen.
So why is it so important to understand our feelings? Well it might be useful to draw on why you might be considering counselling in the first place. You might find that you are thinking or saying things like ‘I feel lost’, or ‘I feel depressed’. It is your feelings which are being foregrounded here, not your thoughts. Alternatively, it may be that you have no idea what you are feeling and you might say things like ‘I’m bad at relationships’ or ‘My boss doesn’t understand me’. Counselling helps you to understand your feelings. It helps you to recognise the triggers to these feelings and helps you to process them. It helps you to understand how to cope when your feelings are stopping you from doing what you would like to do and to manage them.
If you need someone to help you with the way you are feeling, please get in touch. Feel well.
Is there any point?
Do you ever look around you and wonder what’s the point? Maybe other people say things to you like ‘it’s alright for you’ or ‘you’ve got it all’ and you feel silenced and unable to say how you really feel. It can feel as though you are not entitled to your feelings and feel judged by the people you want to care about you.
Does it ever feel really hard to put one foot in front of the other and function and do all the things you usually do without even thinking about them? Maybe it feels like you are stuck on a treadmill of work, work, work and any space for downtime is filled with worrying about work, your future, mistakes you have made or how you are going to pay the bills. On top of all that, maybe you have started to feel a bit unwell physically. Maybe you can’t sleep and feel exhausted. Or you might have some unexplained medical symptoms and every time you go to the doctor you feel like you are not being believed. How lonely that experience can be.
Do you ever feel like everyone just gets on your nerves? Especially the people you love. Do you feel like you just want to slam the door shut and be left alone and that everyone who contacts you is irritating or just wants a piece of you? Are you fed up with being nice and understanding and think it would be nice if someone understood you for a change?
Sometimes we all feel a bit jaded by life. Stress can overwhelm us and make us withdraw from life until we recover our focus. Sometimes we can’t seem to find our way back to where we’d like to be and we need help with that. It’s an isolating experience to feel that no one understands us or is able to help us feel better. Counselling and CBT can be very helpful if you feel lost or confused or alone. Please get in touch.
If I had a magic wand
I am struck by how often I am asked to ‘fix’ someone or change how they think or behave or feel. That is not what a Counsellor or CBT therapist does. It’s as though I am expected to have a magic wand that I can wave to make any distress disappear. Even if such a thing existed, what would anyone learn if someone else does all the work?
Engagement in therapy requires commitment and taking responsibility for change and being open to the possibility that it is possible to change. It also requires finding the right Counsellor or CBT therapist who is qualified and experienced and who makes it easy for you to check that out so that you can understand what to expect. For example, there is a significant difference a counsellor who applies some CBT techniques and a qualified CBT therapist who collaboratively develops a formulation and plan for therapy.
As an accredited Counsellor with the BACP and an accredited CBT Therapist with the BABCP, I am able to work creatively and effectively with clients experiencing low mood, relationship problems and a range of anxiety problems. Based in Leamington Spa, I cover the Warwickshire area and also work online. If you are not looking for a magic wand, please get in touch if you need some help.
Feeling safe enough
Do you know what it’s like to feel safe? If so, you’re very lucky. Feeling safe allows you to be who you are, however that is. It seems that the opportunities to feel safe are incredibly limited. We can work in organisations which expect us to perform. We can believe that it would be frowned on if we said things like, we feel vulnerable, or that we need a bit more support. And who knows, it might be. We can grow up in families which seem to go from one drama to the next. Childhood may have felt like something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Perhaps we never even glimpsed safety. Is it a surprise then, that to be offered safety can feel sometimes feel threatening and unfamiliar? It can make you want to run a mile. No wonder people who have never known safety avoid so much or drop out of therapy.
Drifting through life
Have you ever felt like your life is happening and you’re just sitting back watching it? It can be a very distressing experience to realise that you simply don’t have the energy or inclination to get back on track and live the life you know you want to live. It might feel like all those people buzzing around you have got it all worked out and you feel like sitting down on the floor and weeping. How could I have got this all so wrong? To make things worse, it might be that other people in your life are fed up with you and tell you to pull yourself together. It’s very painful to feel misunderstood, particularly by those who are meant to love us.