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Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Stoke-on-Trent

Work Problems

What’s the point?

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Do you ever look around you and wonder what’s the point?  Maybe other people say things to you like ‘it’s alright for you’ or ‘you’ve got it all’ and you feel silenced and unable to say how you really feel.  It can feel as though you are not entitled to your feelings and feel judged by the people you want to care about you.

Does it ever feel really hard to put one foot in front of the other and function and do all the things you usually do without even thinking about them?  Maybe it feels like you are stuck on a treadmill of work, work, work and any space for downtime is filled with worrying about work, your future, mistakes you have made or how you are going to pay the bills.  On top of all that, maybe you have started to feel a bit unwell physically.  Maybe you can’t sleep and feel exhausted.  Or you might have some unexplained medical symptoms and every time you go to the doctor you feel like you are not being believed.  How lonely that experience can be.

Do you ever feel like everyone just gets on your nerves?  Especially the people you love.  Do you feel like you just want to slam the door shut and be left alone and that everyone who contacts you is irritating or just wants a piece of you?  Are you fed up with being nice and understanding and think it would be nice if someone understood you for a change?

Sometimes we all feel a bit jaded by life.  Stress can overwhelm us and make us withdraw from life until we recover our focus.  Sometimes we can’t seem to find our way back to where we’d like to be and we need help with that.  It’s an isolating experience to feel that no one understands us or is able to help us feel better.  Counselling can be very helpful if you feel lost or confused or alone.  Please get in touch.

Is it me?

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Do you ever have an ‘is it me’ day? The kind of day where you feel unappreciated or used and feel that other people, either at home or work, are acting in a self-interested, judgemental or unfair way. It’s easy for these feelings to spiral and it’s possible that you may find yourself withdrawing or arguing. It might feel challenging to find a way to live around those who only think of themselves.

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I’m worried I’m going to be found out

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Have you ever wondered whether other people are going to declare that you are a fake and simply not up to it….whether it be a job or some studies….or a relationship….or something else that matters to you.  If not, that’s great.  It sounds like you feel confident about yourself.  If on the other hand you go through life feeling like this, then it sounds like you may have low self-esteem.  Or a critical voice inside your head which says you are not good enough, never have been and never will.  And it’s only a matter of time before everyone else finds out and rejects you.

I don’t want to start trying to analyse why you might have low self-esteem.  It’s not really my style.  However, I do think it can help to understand where it comes from.  Mainly because you can start to challenge some of the assumptions you might be making.  If you can remember feeling like this when you were growing up then it’s probably no surprise that you feel like this now.  Big people seem to be very good at telling little people about all their shortcomings.  Over and over.

Feeling like you are going to be ‘found out’ adds another layer of stress to a situation that might be stressful enough.  Imagine what your life would be like if you started to trust in yourself and your abilities.  Let go of the beliefs that you are inadequate or not good enough.  Who’s voice are you hearing?  Who is it that is telling you don’t add up to very much.

I think that counselling can really help if you feel like this.  I promise you that if you decide to work with me I won’t ask you to write down a list of all the things you are good at.  I can’t imagine anything worse.  If someone tried to work with me like that I’d run a mile.  After all, if you knew that stuff you wouldn’t need me in the first place.

Lost your motivation?

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We all go through phases when we lack motivation and just can’t seem to get started on the things we want or need to do.  That’s normal.  Maybe you’re feeling tired or a bit overwhelmed by the big list of jobs to do.  Maybe you don’t want to ask for help.  Asking for help is something that many people find hard and consider to be a sign of weakness.  It’s actually a sign of strength.  To be able to recognise that you need other people is a positive thing.  If your motivation seems to have disappeared maybe you could take a small step and just do one thing right now that you have been putting off.  If you are a high achiever then losing your motivation can seem particularly harsh.  Now is the time to be kind to you.  Take good care of yourself and accept that this will pass.

If, however, your loss of motivation does not pass after a few weeks and you are experiencing other symptoms like feeling tired, feeling down or not eating or sleeping well, then it could be helpful to talk things through with someone and maybe try some counselling to try and find out if they are any underlying issues which may be contributing to your current difficulties.

Is crying a sign of weakness?

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by Counsellor, Stoke on Trent, Staffordshire

How do you feel if you see someone crying?   Does it touch you in some deep place?  Do you wish that you could comfort the person and ‘make it all better’?  Or does it make you feel uncomfortable?  Do you find yourself wishing the other person would ‘pull themselves together’?  And does it matter where it happens?  For example is crying at work completely unacceptable?   What about at weddings and funerals – can you get away with a few tears there?  Besides what is the crying about anyway?  Are you crying for the other person….or are you crying for yourself?  Do the tears of another remind you of your own sadness?

Some clients who come to counselling say that they feel that crying is a sign of weakness.  A sign of not coping.  They might tell me about something very sad or traumatic that has happened to them and apologise for feeling tearful.  Some clients say that they can’t stop crying and are finding this really inconvenient.  It is embarrassing and getting in the way of their functioning.  How sad.  I wonder who told them that crying was unacceptable.  Our tears are an expression of our emotions and can be happy, angry or sad.  An indication that we may be suffering.  At times like this it can help to talk to someone and find a way to express our feelings.  And to accept how things are for us right now.

What can we learn from The Apprentice

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When I hear the type of phrases the young and aspiring would be apprentices use such as ‘I’m really ruthless and will get what I want’ or ‘no one is going to stand in my way’ I often wonder how these people would feel if they heard their words played back to them say in 20 years’ time.  I used to work in business but didn’t feel the need to be like that.  I did, however, encounter many people who were exactly like that and they made my life quite miserable and made me feel like I was the one who had got it wrong.

You see there is no right answer to life.  For me it’s about figuring out who you are and about integrity.  I would rather be the person who did not gossip about others or try and stab them in the back. Ever.  For me it’s simply not negotiable.  And when I hear others doing these things I know that I will probably not enjoy spending time with them.  Just because you are in business doesn’t mean that you have to lose your values.  It’s still possible to be kind.  Maybe they need a Counsellor in The Apprentice house?  Now that would be very interesting!