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Christine

Work Stress

January 27th, 2011 by Christine Leave a Comment

Work/Life Balance

Many clients come to counselling because they recognise that they are finding it difficult to achieve a balance between work and their personal life. They may be suffering from symptoms commonly associated with anxiety and depression, for example not being able to sleep and feeling tense.

Our work is important to us. It helps us to define who we are and gives us a sense of purpose and belonging. Our work enables us to find out about our strengths and weaknesses and identify areas that we would like to develop in. It can be challenging and sustaining and rewarding and stressful. In addition we create relationships with our colleagues. If we experience stress we may find that these relationships are a source of support. For others, however, relationships at work may become strained and difficult to manage.

Do you recognise any of the following:

‘I often work late and at weekends.’

‘I need to be available to work all the time because I am the only one who can answer certain questions.’

‘I don’t really like taking holidays because I have so much to do.’

‘My family and friends don’t understand the stresses of my job.’

‘I have increased my use of caffeine/alcohol to help me to cope with work.’

‘I am starting to make mistakes.’

‘I feel irritable with others.’

‘Physically I’m starting to notice changes. My chest hurts quite often.’

‘I am finding it hard to sleep.’

‘Colleagues have commented that I seem withdrawn.’

‘My boss relies on me a lot.’

‘I have outgrown my job.’

‘I feel stuck.’

When things at work start to go wrong it can interfere with other areas in our lives. We can end up feeling angry, stressed and exhausted. We might not have time for our family and friends and avoid socialising. We may stop enjoyable activities and hobbies because we are too busy. We might bring work home regularly, keep our telephone switched on all the time or keep checking our emails. We might spend the entire weekend in bed because we need to conserve our energy for work.

Other people may start to comment on our behaviour and we may become defensive or snappy. Our performance at work may begin to suffer and we might start to make mistakes, find it difficult to concentrate or forget things. We can end up feeling stuck or trapped and start to worry about losing our job. We might find it hard to ask for help because we don’t want others to think we are ‘weak’ or vulnerable. We might believe that others would lose respect for us if they knew we were struggling to cope.

How can counselling help?

Making the decision to try counselling is difficult for those suffering from work stress. It requires an investment in your time and a commitment to come along to regular sessions. Sometimes people wait until they reach a crisis point before they seek help. Why wait that long? Early intervention can help mild problems from becoming more serious. Counselling can help you to address the problems at work which may be causing you stress and help you to decide how you would like your life to be. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

You always have a choice.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: Stress and Anxiety, Work Problems Source: Anxiety, High standards, Work stress

Sleep Problems

January 19th, 2011 by Christine Leave a Comment

Impact of Sleep Problems

It is estimated that 1 in 10 people suffer with sleep problems and this rises to 1 in 5 in the over 65 age group. Sleep problems include difficulty going to sleep, early waking and problems staying asleep. The impact on daily functioning and mood can be severe. Poor sleeping can impact on our mood and energy levels. When we are tired we can find it hard to cope with everyday challenges and may feel snappy and irritable.

What causes Sleep Problems?

There are a number of physical problems which may disturb sleep, for example acid reflux with heartburn. Sleep problems may be associated with depression and anxiety. People experiencing stressful events may find that their sleeping patterns are disrupted.

What can help with Sleep Problems?

Medication

Please refer to your GP.

Counselling

Counselling may be helpful if you are feeling worried by exploring the underlying reasons and looking at changes you could make in your life.

Relaxation

Many clients find that using relaxation techniques helps them to fall asleep and to resume sleep if they wake during the night.

Sleep Hygiene

Sleep hygiene refers to adopting certain habits which may promote sleep. The following are examples of good sleep hygiene behaviours:

Establish a bedtime routine.
Avoid caffeine after late afternoon.
Avoid excessive alcohol.
Avoid heavy food before bedtime.
Ensure bedroom is appropriate temperature (ideal is 18 C) and sufficiently dark and quiet.
Avoid strenuous exercise before bed.
Avoid napping during the day.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: Stress and Anxiety Source: Anxiety, Sleep problems

Relationship Problems

January 12th, 2011 by Christine Leave a Comment

Glimpses of Problems with Relationships

I never really feel good about myself. I find it hard to make friends. I can never really figure out the right balance between being needy and being stand offish. Being needy is a really bad place to be. I watch others and try and figure out what they’re doing. It looks like everyone else has got this relationship business figured out. Except me. The annoying thing is that when someone starts to get close to me I push them away. And then I feel lonely. I’m not surprised that people find me confusing. I’m pretty confused myself.

What kind of thoughts do you have about relationships?

Do you find yourself repeating the same old patterns in your relationships with others? Do you feel stuck and unclear about how to improve you relationships? Do you ever have the following thoughts:

‘I feel trapped in my relationship.’

‘It’s always about them and never about me.’

‘I feel that other people don’t like me.’

‘I crave close relationships, but I push people away if they get too close.’

‘I feel inferior to others and stay in the background.’

‘I’m a people pleaser.’

‘I don’t feel heard.’

‘If something goes wrong others always turn it around and make it my fault.’

‘I can’t say no to others.’

Our relationships can nourish us and help us to feel that we belong. Connecting with others is important for our emotional wellbeing and can help to make us feel safe and secure.

If we find it hard to be in a relationship with others then we can end up feeling lonely and misunderstood. We can start to think that we are the only ones who are not good at creating successful relationships. This can lead to problems in our families and at work.

How Can Counselling Help?

It can be hard to admit that we find relationships difficult. We can make assumptions about other people and believe that they have all the answers when it comes to relationships. Counselling offers you a confidential and non-judgmental environment to explore what is troubling you. It can help you to understand yourself better and to identify the patterns of behaviour in your relationships. It can give you an understanding of the importance of appropriate boundaries in relationships and the confidence to say what your needs are.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: Relationships, Social Anxiety Source: Counselling, Relationships, Social anxiety

What it’s like to be anxious and what can I do about it

January 6th, 2011 by Christine Leave a Comment

Glimpses of Anxiety

‘I’ve always been anxious. Even as a child. I was always making sure everyone was ok. I could pick up if someone was in a bad mood in a flash. Sitting on the stairs waiting for bad stuff to happen. It’s like I was responsible for everyone else. Making sure the shoes are in a straight line, washing my hands a lot to make sure I’m clean and checking the doors are locked. Over and over and over again. When I grew up I became anxious about other things, driving, shopping, going out, making telephone calls. Sometimes I find it hard to breathe. Other times I think I’m going to pass out, maybe die even. I often wonder if I’m mad. I try to make sure I’m with someone if I go anywhere. People tell me to ‘chill out’. If only they knew.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion we experience when we are facing a perceived threat or danger. The ‘fight or flight’ response is our body’s way of preparing for real or perceived danger – either we face the danger and tackle it or we escape from it. It is normal to feel anxious or fearful in times of danger and it can help to keep us safe. However, if anxiety is experienced frequently or intensely or lasts for long periods of time it can cause distress and erode confidence.

Anxiety is a distressing emotion which can prevent individuals from carrying out their day to day duties. It involves an increased perception of danger and a decreased perception of being able to cope with the danger. Anxiety can create a vicious circle of avoidance.

What is anxiety disorder?

The following are identified as anxiety disorders:

Panic disorder – Characterised by panic attacks occurring where there is no danger. These often occur without warning and can be very distressing. The physical symptoms of panic may include palpitations, hyperventilation, sweating, tingling, trembling, shortness of breath, nausea, chest pain. The sufferer anticipates a catastrophe occurring such as a heart attack or fainting and wants to escape from the situation. The result is that the person avoids places and adopts safety behaviours. It is estimated that 50{715e623df01486ed312d8f1b83ff0cc3fd44a590896731e6d51361f497f187b9} of people who suffer from panic attacks go on to develop the symptoms of agoraphobia.

Health anxiety – A concern with experiencing physical illness – may be based on misinterpreting the physical symptoms of anxiety as a sign of a health problem.

Social phobia – A fear of being evaluated in a negative way by others and worrying about being embarrassed or humiliated. The result may be that the person avoids situations and may start to feel isolated.

Generalised anxiety disorder – Excessive worry and tension sometimes triggered by stressful events and impacting on daily activities. May involve being worried about worrying itself. Clients with generalised anxiety disorder tend to overestimate the level of threat and underestimate their ability to cope.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder – Carrying out certain behaviours, for example counting rituals, in order to ‘correct’ an obsession. The obsession may be a thought or an image. The person may carry out the rituals for extended periods which disrupts their lives.

Specific phobias – A disabling fear of a particular situation. Examples include a fear of heights, seeing blood, certain animals. The person recognises that the fear is excessive.

Posttraumatic stress disorder – Development of symptoms following exposure to a trauma which may include ‘re-experiencing’ the event, anxiety and/or avoidance.

It is possible that different types of anxiety can co-exist with each other. It is also possible that anxiety co-exists with depression, substance misuse problems or physical illness.

What causes anxiety?

Stressful life events can create anxiety, for example work pressures, examinations, divorce. Some clients come to counselling and say things like ‘I have always been anxious’ or ‘I’m a born worrier. So is my mother’ or ‘I have an anxious personality’.
Other clients do not know why they are anxious and may even say that this is creating further anxiety. Possible reasons for anxiety may originate in childhood.

How do I know if I am anxious?

The following are some of the symptoms associated with anxiety:

Physical symptoms associated with anxiety

Changes in breathing.
Palpitations.
Tight chest.
Difficulty swallowing.
Sweating.
Tingling in toes or fingers.
Tense muscles.
Light headedness.
Abdominal discomfort.
Frequent urination.
Tiredness.
Poor sleeping.

Thoughts associated with anxiety

Believing that the worse outcome will occur.
Not being able to cope.
Overestimating danger.
Feeling vulnerable.

Behaviours associated with anxiety

Being irritable.
Trying to control events.
Avoiding situations.
Leaving situations.
Seeking reassurance.
Rushing home if feeling anxious.
Trying to get others to do things for us.

What can help to overcome anxiety?

Learning about anxiety

It can be helpful to learn about anxiety and to realise that it is a normal reaction to stressful situations. You will then be able to recognise if anxiety has become a problem because it is interfering with day to day functioning.

Often when people feel anxious and start to experience physical symptoms which they do not understand they can start to worry about these symptoms and may have thoughts such as ‘I’m going to pass out’ or ‘I’m going to have a heart attack’.

Many people find that when they understand the ‘fight or flight’ response, which is the way that anxiety can affect their body, they are able to accept that anxiety impacts on their body, behaviour and thinking. When someone is anxious their heart rate goes up. A common thought associated with anxiety is ‘I’m going to faint’ and this happens if your heart rate and blood pressure drop. Therefore, it is unlikely that you will faint from anxiety.

Relaxation training

It is not possible to be relaxed and anxious at the same time. Techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and controlled breathing can help to alleviate anxiety.

Challenging unhelpful thinking

Anxiety can be reduced by examining and challenging thoughts about the perception of danger and/or the ability to cope.

Counselling

Talking through worries and problems can help to alleviate anxiety and help to understand the triggers to anxiety. Counselling may help you to gain a new perspective on your situation. As a Counsellor I integrate relaxation training and challenging unhelpful thinking if the client would like to work in this way.

Exposure therapy

When clients are faced with the situations which they fear it is common that they will try to avoid these situations and this will reduce their anxiety. This short term coping strategy does not enable the client to overcome their fears.

Exposure therapy involves creating a hierarchy of situations you have avoided and making a plan to face the feared situation in a gradual way starting with the least feared situation. For example if a client has a fear of spiders it may involve first looking at pictures of spiders to eventually being in the same room as a spider. The rationale underpinning exposure therapy is that the anxiety naturally reduces if the client remains in the feared situation.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: Stress and Anxiety Source: Anxiety, Counselling

1st January, 2011 – The first day of the rest of your life

January 1st, 2011 by Christine Leave a Comment

1st January, 2011 – The first day of the rest of your life

I would warmly like to wish you a very happy new year and I hope that you are able to find some joy and peace this year. I also know that this may not be possible for everyone, for those that feel depressed, disappointed or anxious or have suffered losses or are facing some kind of mid-life crisis. I am particularly thinking of those people today.

It is great to feel optimistic about the new year. A clean page waiting for us to write our story on it. New beginnings, fresh starts, opportunities, new goals and dreams, new relationships, a brand new diary to fill with private thoughts, feelings, reflections and desires. It reminds me of starting school with my new exercise books and being determined to keep them neat and tidy, free from doodles and spills. It seems so easy at the start of something new to see what we would like, so much harder to follow it through sometimes.

The start of a new year always involves some feelings of loss and this is normal. It may be that we are starting to feel our age or feeling disappointed with the way our life is turning out or regretting some of our behaviour or decisions. If you are feeling like this I hope that you are able to offer some compassion to yourself and stop beating yourself up. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. A chance to start creating a new story for yourself. What is standing in your way?

Copyright 2011 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: About Counselling Source: Change, Counselling, Disappointment, fresh, Moving on

What is Self-Esteem?

December 28th, 2010 by Christine Leave a Comment

Glimpses of Low Self-Esteem

Sometimes I feel quite exhausted. Trying to please other people is relentless. Actually I don’t mind too much because at least it means I’m not alone. I feel hurt when people tell me to ‘get a life’. It really plays on my mind and I keep going over what they’ve said. I have got a life. It’s dedicated to helping others. I wouldn’t dream of imposing myself in any way or giving my opinion about something. That’s not who I am.

Many people come to counselling and say things like ‘I have problems with my self-esteem’ or ‘I have always had low self-esteem’ and this is usually because other people have made comments about their behaviour. Low self-esteem is sometimes used to describe someone who does not seem to like or value themselves and who believes that they are in some way inferior to others.

Low self-esteem can be associated with a lack of assertiveness and can make people vulnerable to being exploited. Low self-esteem can pervade every aspect of someone’s life and result in feelings of sadness, shame, disappointment or frustration.

Self-esteem is linked to our ‘conditions of worth’ and these refer to messages that are received by an individual, often in childhood, which imply that a person has particular attributes or qualities and must behave in a certain way in order to be accepted. Such conditions may be positive or negative.

Often a person with low self-esteem will use phrases starting with ‘I should…….…..’ or ‘I ought to…………….’

People suffering from low self-esteem may be susceptible to depression. Having a negative opinion about ourselves can have a significant impact on how we live our lives and how we relate to other people. It can prevent us from achieving our potential and make us feel isolated, unhappy and ‘not good enough’. It means that we constantly evaluate ourselves in a negative way.

Thoughts associated with low self-esteem

I’m worthless
I can’t cope
I don’t fit in
I am inferior
I’m not good enough

Behaviour associated with low self-esteem

Avoiding situations
Reduced performance
Rumination
Negative thinking

Signs of low self-esteem

Feeling down
Poor self care
People pleasing
Ruminating over events
Negative self talk
Avoiding potentially pleasurable activities
Underestimating strengths
Exaggerating weaknesses
Comfort eating
Use of alcohol or drugs

What causes low self-esteem?

Our experiences while growing up have a profound effect on how we view the world and our place in it. Other factors which may be influential include:

Family of origin
Treatment at school
Relationships
Bullying
Abuse
Divorce
Bereavement
Redundancy

How can counselling help with low self-esteem?

Counselling may help you to understand that the negative views you have of yourself are actually an opinion and not facts and can therefore be challenged. Having the opportunity to talk about how you feel in a supportive environment where you are not judged can be therapeutic in itself. Counselling can help you to learn more about yourself and to recognise your strengths and resources. You can consider what you would like your life to be like and discover what changes you would like to make.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

About: About Counselling, Low Self-Esteem Source: Low confidence, Low self-esteem

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