Glimpses of Problems with Relationships

I never really feel good about myself. I find it hard to make friends. I can never really figure out the right balance between being needy and being stand offish. Being needy is a really bad place to be. I watch others and try and figure out what they’re doing. It looks like everyone else has got this relationship business figured out. Except me. The annoying thing is that when someone starts to get close to me I push them away. And then I feel lonely. I’m not surprised that people find me confusing. I’m pretty confused myself.

What kind of thoughts do you have about relationships?

Do you find yourself repeating the same old patterns in your relationships with others? Do you feel stuck and unclear about how to improve you relationships? Do you ever have the following thoughts:

‘I feel trapped in my relationship.’

‘It’s always about them and never about me.’

‘I feel that other people don’t like me.’

‘I crave close relationships, but I push people away if they get too close.’

‘I feel inferior to others and stay in the background.’

‘I’m a people pleaser.’

‘I don’t feel heard.’

‘If something goes wrong others always turn it around and make it my fault.’

‘I can’t say no to others.’

Our relationships can nourish us and help us to feel that we belong. Connecting with others is important for our emotional wellbeing and can help to make us feel safe and secure.

If we find it hard to be in a relationship with others then we can end up feeling lonely and misunderstood. We can start to think that we are the only ones who are not good at creating successful relationships. This can lead to problems in our families and at work.

How Can Counselling Help?

It can be hard to admit that we find relationships difficult. We can make assumptions about other people and believe that they have all the answers when it comes to relationships. Counselling offers you a confidential and non-judgmental environment to explore what is troubling you. It can help you to understand yourself better and to identify the patterns of behaviour in your relationships. It can give you an understanding of the importance of appropriate boundaries in relationships and the confidence to say what your needs are.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.