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Christine

Happy Christmas………..or is it?

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This time of year can be stressful and full of expectations.  This is especially true in the current economic climate.  For those who have lost their jobs or are finding it hard to make ends meet it can be challenging to feel happy. 

For some people, especially those who have recently lost someone they love and care about, this can be a very sad time of year.  Full of memories.  

What about all the lonely people?  The people who have no family.  We can get so wrapped up in our own lives that we might not even notice.

Then there are the people who do have a family.  And that is the problem.  Maybe you are unhappily married or feel that you are getting things wrong with your children.  Maybe you have problems with parents or siblings.  Do you feel like a child again when you return to your parent’s home? 

I would like to wish you a very happy Christmas and I hope that you find some joy and peace in 2011.  I know that Christmas can be a lonely time for many people.  Even for those surrounded by people.  Sometimes we can think that everyone else is having a great time and we are different.  If you would like to make some changes in your life or talk through anything which is troubling you, then please get in touch.

Feeling angry

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by Counsellor, Leamington Spa, Staffordshire

What is anger?

Anger is a normal emotion we experience when we feel that ‘someone has broken our rules’ about what is fair and just.  Anger can range from ‘irritation’ to ‘fury’.  Sometimes the way that we express our anger leads to difficulties and can impact on our relationships with others.

‘Anyone can become angry—that is easy.  But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy’ – Aristotle.

Some people are taught in childhood that anger is unacceptable.  If anger is not expressed then anxiety, depression and physical symptoms may result.  Sometimes people project their anger onto others and suggest, for example, that their partner seeks help for their anger problems.  Counselling can help to understand exactly what is happening.

Sometimes our anger is caused by or is exaggerated by things which are causing us stress in our lives.  Problems arise when anger occurs frequently and is intense and enduring.  This can have a negative impact on our relationships both at home and work.  People often judge us when we are angry and may respond to us in an angry way.  We can get a bad reputation.  People may start to avoid us or deliberately wind us up to see how we respond.

Feeling angry can be a good thing if it creates energy to make changes, for example to improve communities and the lives of other people and to help to stamp out injustice.  However, anger often has negative consequences and hurts others as well as ourselves.

Do you recognise any of the following statements:

‘I feel angry all the time.  I am always shouting at others.’

‘I bottle all my anger and resentments up and then I explode like a bottle of pop.’

‘I know I’m doing it and it’s as though I can’t help myself.’

‘I wish I was a nicer person and more relaxed.’

‘I need to be in control all the time and get angry if things don’t go my way.’

‘I feel angry with everyone and everything.’

‘I feel ashamed of my behaviour.  Sometimes my reactions are completely unnecessary.’

How can counselling help?

Exploring the circumstances may help to identify the triggers to anger and to discover the meanings attached to situations.  Two people may react to the same conflict situation in different ways.  One person may shrug their shoulders and walk off and the other person may become angry and start behaving aggressively.  Counselling may be helpful to explore the reasons for this and to challenge any unhelpful thinking.

Copyright 2010 Christine Bonsmann. All rights reserved.

What is Depression and What Can I Do About It?

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by Counsellor, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire

Depression

‘Some days are worse than others. I don’t even want to get out of bed and face the world. I want to pull the duvet over me and want everyone to leave me alone. I feel sad and find myself bursting into tears for no reason. My body hurts. I feel alone. Just me and this thing they call depression. It’s been around for a long time. In fact I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t there. I just want someone to understand how I feel and to be kind. That would really help for a start.’ [Read more…] about What is Depression and What Can I Do About It?

Loss and Bereavement – Could Counselling Help?

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by Counsellor, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire

‘Everywhere I look I am reminded of what I have lost. I see children looking at their parents with expectant faces, waiting for approval. I see lovers in passionate embrace. I see athletes, powerful and strong. I see friends laughing together, comforting each other, sharing. I see the disappointment, hurt and disbelief in the faces of those who have been betrayed. I see sadness and I feel it too. I see my reflection. Full of regrets. I wonder what happened. I didn’t notice. My life has passed me by.’ [Read more…] about Loss and Bereavement – Could Counselling Help?

Feeling stressed at work?

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by Counsellor, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire

Many clients come to counselling because they recognise that they are finding it difficult to achieve a balance between work and their personal life. They may be suffering from symptoms commonly associated with anxiety and depression, for example not being able to sleep and feeling tense. [Read more…] about Feeling stressed at work?