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Good enough is not good enough

April 20th, 2023 by Christine Bonsmann

Could you be good enough?

Imagine how your life would be if you felt comfortable with things being good enough?  Would you feel like a failure?  Or would you feel as though you had achieved an enviable goal?  Your response indicates how you dance with life and how you evaluate yourself.

For a perfectionist or someone who suffers from anxiety, the idea of being good enough might feel awful and a second-rate position to aspire to.  It might imply that you have not really tried hard enough to achieve excellence and that you are one of those people who is a bit on the lazy side and lacks ambition.  For someone who is comfortable with being good enough, the idea of being perfect is an unattainable goal and they may realise that there are many things they wish to focus on in their life apart from work or study or looking perfect.   Or it may be that things are far from good enough because you are procrastinating and feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to start changing things.

There is no right answer here and some people are happy with seeking perfection.  For others, this can be an anxiety-provoking and isolating pursuit which can be exacerbated by others failing to understand just how important it feels to get everything right or give 100% all the time.  In fact, the more others fail to understand the needs of the perfectionist, the more anxious and isolated the person can become.  This can lead to arguments and the breakdown of relationships with friends, partners, family and colleagues.  The same can be said of poor performance.

If you are struggling with perfectionism or with procrastination and  a lack of performance, it can be hard to understand how to change things.  You might be stuck and powerless and feel that no one is going to understand.  You might be falling behind at work or with your studies.  It might be useful to seek some help to explore what is going on and possible changes you could make to live live in a more fulfilling way.  Therapy can help you to do this, and to figure out how you would like the rest of your life to be.

 

About: About Counselling, Low Self-Esteem, Perfectionism, Relationships, Stress and Anxiety, Work Problems Source: Counselling for anxiety, Counselling for depression Leamington Spa

When what you’re doing isn’t working

January 18th, 2023 by Christine

Coping with disappointment with Counsellor, Leamington Spa

The only person who can really know that what you’re doing isn’t working is you. You’re the one who has to try and get yourself to sleep at night. No one else can do that for you. All those things that keep churning over in your mind may be hard to silence. The missed opportunities, the regrets, the sadnesses, the grief, the what ifs. In times of loss the noise we create inside our heads can become very loud. At some point it might become unbearable and you might need some help because what you are doing isn’t working. Or maybe it’s what you’re not doing that is not helping.

[Read more…] about When what you’re doing isn’t working

About: About Counselling, Depression, Loss and Bereavement, Relationships Source: Counselling, Depression, Loneliness

Why do I feel bad about not putting up with people who are no good for me?

August 3rd, 2022 by Christine

Counsellor, Leamington Spa

There are a lot of articles online about ‘toxic’ people and ‘toxic’ relationships. Sometimes I nod my head in agreement as I read them but there are times when I pause and reflect on what ‘toxic’ means and what a damaging and convenient label it can be. My understanding of toxic is anything that damages me in some way. It’s easy to see how a poor diet or lack of exercise can be harmful to our wellbeing. However, what about if the source of damage is in your family. What then?

[Read more…] about Why do I feel bad about not putting up with people who are no good for me?

About: About Counselling, Low Self-Esteem, Relationships Source: Counsellor

Is it me?

December 6th, 2021 by Christine

Feeling stressed, Counsellor Leamington Spa

Do you ever have an ‘is it me’ day? The kind of day where you feel unappreciated or used and feel that other people, either at home or work, are acting in a self-interested, judgemental or unfair way. It’s easy for these feelings to spiral and it’s possible that you may find yourself withdrawing or arguing. It might feel challenging to find a way to live around those who only think of themselves.

[Read more…] about Is it me?

About: About Counselling, Relationships, Stress and Anxiety, Work Problems Source: Counselling for depression

I’m a convert so you should do it too

November 29th, 2021 by Christine

Counsellor Leamington Spa

It’s a wonderful thing to find something that helps us. It can change the way we view ourselves, our relationships, the world and life in general. However, what works for me might not work for you and that is why asking someone else to tell you what to do can be really unhelpful. Counselling is one of those things that can change your life. It can work on so many levels. It can help you to understand and accept yourself. It can help you to understand your relationships and why you might keep repeating some unhelpful behaviours. It might help you to improve relationships with your partner, your family, your friends and work colleagues. Or it might simply be the only place where you can really be you and work through all those things that you don’t want to tell anyone else about. How often do we have the experience of starting to tell a family member or friend something before they jump in with their own story, say something silencing like ‘tell me about it’ or simply not care enough to engage and listen?

[Read more…] about I’m a convert so you should do it too

About: About Counselling, Relationships Source: Counselling

The way you make me feel

November 9th, 2021 by Christine Bonsmann

Relationship counselling, Counsellor, Leamington Spa

I don’t know if you have noticed but counsellors talk about feelings a lot.  I’m smiling as I write that because the stereotypical therapist is often portrayed in the media as someone touching their chin and asking their client ‘How did that make you feel?’  While I do try to avoid asking that myself, it does happen.

So why is it so important to understand our feelings?  Well it might be useful to draw on why you might be considering counselling in the first place.  You might find that you are thinking or saying things like ‘I feel lost’, or ‘I feel depressed’.  It is your feelings which are being foregrounded here, not your thoughts.  Alternatively, it may be that you have no idea what you are feeling and you might say things like ‘I’m bad at relationships’ or ‘My boss doesn’t understand me’.  Counselling helps you to understand your feelings.  It helps you to recognise the triggers to these feelings and helps you to process them.  It helps you to understand how to cope when your feelings are stopping you from doing what you would like to do and to manage them.

If you need someone to help you with the way you are feeling, please get in touch.  Feel well.

 

About: About Counselling, Relationships Source: Counselling, Leamington Spa

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