Why doesn’t my counsellor give me all the answers?

Counselling can be quite frustrating for some clients because they want to be told what to do. This is so common, especially if growing up your views were disregarded and your feelings were ignored. You might have learnt that other people had all the answers. You never learnt to trust yourself. Ironically, often the reason people seek counselling is because the people in their lives are telling them what to do and they feel controlled and diminished……..and yet they want their counsellor to make decisions for them.
Counselling is not about advice or imposing a view. It is about trust and mutuality in a relationship. It is a chance to talk about your problems and concerns confidentially and to explore your choices and the ways you could make some changes in your life. Your counsellor will help you in this process and help you to understand yourself. You may see some different perspectives on your situation or how you might be contributing to your own difficulties. You might even learn some coping strategies. However, you won’t be told what to do. That would be disrespectful.
In many ways the counselling relationship is like no other relationship in your life. It is a professional and boundaried relationship. You don’t become friends after the work has finished or keep in touch. It is a place to experiment with different behaviour and find out who you are. It can be an interesting and helpful experience and it can be challenging and confusing. If you are struggling it can be really helpful to tell your counsellor and work on this. You see the problems we have in the ‘real’ world often come into the counselling room too, so what better place to discover a more fulfilling way to be in a relationship.