The yo-yo relationship

So many clients come to see me because they are in a yo-yo relationship.  One minute it’s good and the next minute it’s bad.  Relationships like this can make you feel confused and cause misery and it can be really hard to figure out whether to try and make the relationship work or to cut your losses and end it once and for all.  The first thing to consider is what you get from the relationship.  What do you like about being with this person.  If you can’t think of anything then it may be time to wonder why you are putting yourself through this misery.  If you can come up with some benefits it can help to consider what is wrong with the relationship and what you would like to be different.  So if you had a magic wand what would that relationship be like?

Sometimes it can be helpful to try couples counselling to improve a relationship.  Couple counselling is not about being given advice and told what to do.  It’s an opportunity to understand each other.  If you both want to work on your relationship then it can help if you really try to listen to each other without making assumptions or interrupting.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  Try not to use blaming phrases such as “you always……….” And learn how to ‘own’ your feelings.  You might be very surprised at the results.